I just realized that this has been sitting in my drafts box for over a week now. Things have changed, times have changed and so much is just different now. I was so happy. We were to be whole now. No more holes, no more gaps and no more hate. For the word forgive and forget finally existed in the feud of many years and the old time term blood is thicker than water saying was to be put to good use. Love conquered all difficulties, love bonded us and love made us who we are. For that wish of being together one day for dinner; every single one...will always and forever just be a long lost dream.  For the moment that we have prayed and mentioned the wishes shall now be just a memory. Last week, many things happened. Last week, many memories came back. Last week, it were fine as it were.

But God has other things planned. God had it in His hands. For He now has one of mine with him. For now it is all left to shade of memory. For now, everything that was, will never be. For now, it is all just a fragment of my growth and a solemn reminder of a man that used to be.

Dear grandfather,

I'm sorry for the times I took you for granted. For the times you spoiled me with the "hun kuih" you bought me from the Ayer Itam Market, for the times you made me cold crabs to feast on with huge fried prawns and a whole lot of mushrooms with sea asparagus, clam-abalones and brocolli along with every little memory you have left me.

I would remember how your smile is. How your sarcastic and mischievous replies to silly little questions are. I would remember how your laugh once sounded and how you once stared in awe on fascinating new items. I would remember how we went shopping and you told us to take whatever we wanted because it was all to be credited to your credit card anyway. I would remember how you danced and drank with us for Chinese New Year and how you held your breath to giggle when you first handed me a handful of "bedak sejuk".

I'm sorry you never got to meet who my boyfriend is. I never should have kept him a secret from you. You had every right to know who that boy is, for you would have had loads of fun smacking him in the head; reminding him never to bully me. But I'm sure that wherever you are right now, you're already smacking him in his head...because he bullies me ALL THE TIME! I'm also sure you'd be happy to see us all happy.

We'd never forget you cause you'd always be that "zhin dua bat to eh ah kong". We could complain about you, we could talk bad about you but we would always love you. We'd take over your place now and have ah po in our hands. We'd care for her but never the way you do it. We'd love her but never the way you can. We'd appreciate her but never the way you possibly have done. You'd always be the only one in her heart, regardless the moments you've bullied her. (Hehehe...)

Last but not least, I don't think I've ever said this to you in your face nor have I whispered it to your ear. I know you know it though...I love you. I'm always going to miss you and I'm going to remember you forever. Hugs and kisses, my fat ah kong. I love you.

Your naughty as ever granddaughter. <3

P/S: The monk at your wake said my name wrong. You DO remember my name, don't you? Don't go blessing the wrong girl now! :(